for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
