He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
