ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
