I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
