john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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