Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
