Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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