You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
