New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
