Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
