Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
