dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
