i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
