i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
