at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
