I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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