There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize