i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
