It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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