I wish I could punch you in the face.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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