How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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