I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
