i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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