Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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