Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
