Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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