I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
