Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize