just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
