Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
