I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
