do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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