Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
