my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
