I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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