I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
