I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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