I forgot how hot balto sounded
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
