I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
