My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
