If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
