So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
