The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
