Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
