i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
