Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
