Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
