I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
