I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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