I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
two words...techno handjob
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
