She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
