ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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