I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize