I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
