you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
