I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The air was thick with penises
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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