sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
