I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
