Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
