i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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