I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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