Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
