I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
